You don’t have to be a Pinterest mom.

Here are a few things I know about you:

• You don’t just do things. You do things well.
• You’re energized by putting all your effort into something.
• You’re excited by learning, growing and improving.

And you feel that way at home and at work. So, one day … you got yourself a Pinterest account.

In the completely unlikely event that you don’t have a Pinterest account, here’s a little primer. Pinterest is a search engine, much like Google, that was created in 2010. Users post “pins” or images to their online board. The pins are often linked to websites that offer more information. For example, if you search “fall meals healthy,” you’ll get thousands of image-based results like this:

It’s got a little of a social media element because you can comment on and save pins. You can also follow your favorite pinners so that you’re notified about what they’re pinning. When you open Pinterest, a curated set of pins will greet you and keep you engaged and scrolling for hours.

Cool, right? Pinterest is like a digital vision board. No, it’s better. It’s like an INFINITE number of interactive digital vision boards! So much better than the 90’s version of cutting out images from copies of Seventeen and Cosmo! It’s fun. It’s easy. It’s organized. And you can access it from anywhere.

Pinterest is aspirational and inspirational. Pinterest was born just before my first child was born, and I started using it when my first-born was an infant. My first Pinterest board was all about my son’s first birthday. My circus-themed first birthday party board was full of really special ideas, and, of course, I wanted to incorporate them all. Vintage-looking circus invitations (yup! I was still into snail mail), Big Top music, my second experience with fondant (my wedding was my first) … the list goes on! Here are my babe and me almost 9 years ago!:

It was too much. My husband knew it. Our pediatrician knew it. (This is a good aside … our pediatrician, lovely but completely patriarchal, said “You don’t have to make decisions out of mom guilt.”) Mom guilt?! Absurd. At the time, I was working at least 80 hours weekly as I trained to be a surgeon. I was away from my baby more than I was with him, and he was thriving. But yeah … I felt guilty.

And Pinterest was like fuel to my guilt flame. My second son was born 21 months after my first son. So, I found myself in this cycle of intense birthday party planning … for about half of each year. For example, I invited a bunch of two year-olds to my home to make pizza under the guidance of a kid chef. Cute, right? There were custom, handmade invitations and matching pizza boxes, and chef hats and aprons, and … and … and … My more experienced mom self just wants to reach back into time and hug my new mom self. I have so much compassion for what she was trying to do.

At some point, my Pinterest board expanded to include fashion inspiration and home decoration. Then, finally, my pinning attention turned to meals. At this point, I was in my first year as a fellow in vascular surgery. I had moved from NYC to DC with my 2 year-old son, my 8 month-old son, and my live-out-turn-live-in nanny … and without my husband. He was still training at NYU; so, our family of four was reunited only every two to three weeks. 

Our time in DC was pivotal for our family. I thought I was working hard at NYU … Boy, was I wrong! I worked harder than I could've imagine during my time in DC. I kid (but it’s true) that I pretty much napped during my first 8 months there. I almost never slept for hours at a time. But it was a huge time of growth for me … as a woman, a mom, a wife, a friend, and a surgeon. It was a tough time, full of sacrifice, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

Enter my Pinterest habit … I insisted on cooking everything my children ate during this time of our lives. I had been cooking all their meals when we lived in NYC, and I didn’t want to give it up, even though life had changed so much. We had a full-time live-in nanny, and I was working like mad, but I insisted on doing all the cooking. I wanted my sons to know that mommy cooked for them … even if I wasn’t there to see them eat it. I felt guilty. It was just that simple.

So, I used Pinterest to help me carry out my desire of cooking for my children. I would search terms like “30-minute meals,” and I would get good-looking results … but there was a lotta pasta. And I love pasta. But I didn’t want to feed my boys a lotta pasta. 

So, then I tried adding the term “healthy” to these quick meals, and I got ... a lot of the same recipes! And that made no sense to me! But when I tried the new recipes, I almost always needed more than the 30 minutes the recipe creator promised. And I was very comfortable in the kitchen … even then. That’s when I realized - it wasn’t me … it was them!

I learned to consider the source. Who in the world were these people pinning pizza recipes and calling them healthy? (Don’t get me wrong - I love pizza, and I eat it probably twice a month. But I don’t delude myself that the cheesy, pepperoni-topped goodness is the most nutritious meal I can eat. It’s more that eating pizza is a healthy experience … because I enjoy it! This is a topic for another blog post.)

Also, did these pinners even make their own recipes?! Their time estimate wasn’t accurate, and so cooking the stuff wasn’t practical. It was a frustrating experience. #pinterestfail

Pinterest is a facade. It’s a highlight reel. And it’s often curated by professionals who slap a shiny coat of veneer on their pins. 

So, now, I no longer use Pinterest for birthday party inspiration.

I also no longer use it for nightly family dinner inspiration.

It’s just too hard to evaluate the source. Each search results in thousands of pins! And that means thousands of bloggers or recipe creators. That's a lot of investigating! I mean, who are these people? Do we have the same values? And if we don’t - why the heck am I following their advice?

So, I invite you to clarify your values first, then search for guidance. When you’re looking for a guide - even if it’s just on Pinterest - be sure that your values match the values of the guide.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

• What do I prioritize in life?
• What do I prioritize in motherhood?
• What do I like?
• What do my kids like?
• And why? (Ask why until you can’t ask why anymore.)

As I bring this post to a close, I’d like to share my values with you. I value joyful living. I want you to feel my joy as I approach you … before I say a single word. Most importantly, I want to model joy for my children who will then strive for their own joy every day. I like experiences where I can learn and teach, and I like these experiences to look, feel (and taste!) good. On second thought … I need these experiences to look, feel (and taste!) good. And I want it all to build a legacy that my children’s children’s children can continue to grow and enjoy.

I’ll tell you … it’s pretty hard to sift through Pinterest to find values like these. But I still use Pinterest. I just don’t allow it to inform my life or my mothering.

I hope this helps you too. You don’t have to be a Pinterest mom. Mom in a way that feels authentic to you.

Do your values match up with mine? If so, click here to take my quick, free quiz.