How to Implement a Self-Care Practice
“Practice self-care,” they say.
But how?
“Self-care everyday,” they say.
But really?! When?
Now, these questions assume that you already understand the value of self-care ... the importance of taking care of you. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually.
So, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get tactical.
You want a self-care practice. Duh … That’s not where you’re getting stuck. If you’re anything like my clients and the former version of me, you’re getting stuck at the implementation phase.
So, I’m putting a stake in the ground. If you’re craving self-care and you're struggling to get it, you need boundaries, my friend.
How do I know? Well, because smart, capable women like you are telling me in their own words. But, more than that, I know because, once upon a time, I had to take a crash course in setting boundaries too.
One fateful Saturday I missed my 8 AM spin class at my neighborhood studio (clearly, this was ages ago). And it was a turning point in my life.
Now, that may sound dramatic but it’s true. With the exception of a patient needing me urgently, I had been attending that 8 AM spin class every Saturday for over two years. That time was mine. Then, at some point, my husband and sons started a Saturday morning workout routine.
Since those three are awake by 6:30 AM, they started heading to the basketball court by 7. And I would stay behind with my sleeping toddler.
But, you see, my class was at 8. I should’ve been in my car by 7:45 to have my butt on my bike by 7:55. So, there wasn’t much wiggle room between their returning home and my leaving.
At first, they were getting back at 7:40ish. Then, 7:45. So, I complained about feeling rushed.
And then it happened - they didn’t get home until 7:55. 7:55!
Now, I’m pretty level-headed. But I felt undervalued. I felt disrespected. I was angry because I was missing out on a class that I’d been looking forward to all week … and thinking about that made me even more angry.
While I don’t remember everything I said to my husband and two sons, I know I said this:
“What you want does not take priority over what I need.”
You could’ve heard a pin drop. They were shocked at my words. Frankly, so was I. But I was done. [Insert clap emoji.]
No more martyrdom for me.
But, you know what? As I said above, speaking up changed my life. It was necessary to my carving out time for me.
My self-care is always a work in progress but I’m a boundary-setting maven now. And it’s one of the biggest components of my coaching. I recognize in my clients that they have yet to have the talk with their partners or children or friends or pets.
So, if you’re hiding out in the bathroom to catch a little breather … or if you’ve chosen to sit in your parked car for a little privacy even though you have no intention of going anywhere, I hear you.
If you felt like you didn’t have enough me-time before Covid-19, there’s an excellent chance you’re feeling that way even more now. Am I right?
When I ask potential clients, “what’s standing in between you and your self-care?” The answers are almost always about other people … or things. Circumstances.
But blaming and focusing on others is what’s really blocking your self-care. Yes, your circumstances likely present challenges. I get it. Your partner. Your children. Your finances. Your full schedule. But they’re not to blame for your missing out on your self-care. Your self-care is your responsibility.
Please don’t push this responsibility off on anyone or anything else. When you do, you’re actually handing over your power to him ... her ... them ... or it.
This is a little dose of tough love. Because I know you need to hear it.
And I know, in part, because I had to coach myself in the same way. As a mom, a wife, a doctor, a surgeon, a coach, I’ve learned to push through my natural tendency to prioritize caring for others over caring for myself.
Eating nutritious, satisfying foods, moving your body intentionally and joyfully, sleeping restfully and regularly: these are all elements of your self-care. You know this.
But knowing and understanding your tendency when it comes to creating space for your self-care is another story. And this knowing is the first step toward actually implementing healthy habits that you will love and can sustain.
You are your best resource. The answers you seek are inside you. I think you just need a little help to pull them out.
So, here’s one way you can learn more about your natural tendency: Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies. It’s a book but it’s also a quiz that’ll take less than 5 minutes to complete. When you do, you’ll get one of these 4 results:
This will give you so much insight into what motivates you and drives you to make habits. And if you’re struggling to make caring for yourself a habit, please start here. If you’ve been on a personal health roller coaster, do it differently this time. Let’s dig a little deeper so that you can just move forward and get the results you want.
And once you do, please email me at [email protected] and share your tendency with me. I can’t wait to learn a bit more about you. If you’re curious about my tendency, I’m an obliger.
