How to Create Space for Your Health Transformation

What’s standing between you and what you want for your health?

When I’m first getting to know a woman in my community, in one way or another, I always ask this question.

And I almost always get responses like these:

• “How are you able to [find the time?]”

• “I can’t get anything accomplished.”

• “I feel like I have to entertain [my kids] at all times.”

Then, I get to help her understand that thoughts like these - not her partner or her children - are holding her back from the happy, healthy life of her dreams.

Let’s allow that to sink in for a bit. (You might even want to read it again.)

You will have days when it seems nearly impossible to carve out time for yourself, but you get to prioritize your physical, mental and emotional care even when your life presents you with challenges. Because it will. That’s life.

May I share a story of “one of those days” that I had recently?

My sons and I were in the middle of our 8 AM movement practice at 8 AM. (This has been a great addition to our day during quarantine.) I was dancing rope … I mean, jumping rope to a Sam Smith and Demi Lovato song. (If you haven’t heard this song, check it out immediately.) insert link

Then, at just about 8:30 AM, my husband, who was already at the hospital, texted me, Remember the tire.

Head smack.

The tire! Two days before we had noticed the passenger side rear tire on our family car had a not-so-slow leak in it. When I called the service department to have it repaired, the next available appointment was on Wednesday at 9 AM …

As in … I was already late.  I was jumping and schvitzing when I should’ve been on my way out the door. I had totally forgotten about the appointment. But I had so much more jumping to do! And then stretching. I wanted to drink some lemon water. And then make a smoothie.

Ugh! I was disappointed.

My day was getting hijacked. 

As I rushed to leave, mini obstacles popped up. My third grader discovered that his iPad was broken. As in, completely unresponsive … with a day full of distance learning ahead and a Google Meet minutes away. There were tears. Lots of tears.

I wiped his tears, squeezed him tight, comforted him, set up another device for his day and he was only a few minutes late for his Meet.

Dodged that bullet.

But then my three year-old got me. I heard her waking up and I wasn’t sure how long I’d be sitting in the service center with my mask on, waiting for my tire to be replaced. So, I snuck into her room snuggled her and whispered that I’d see her later. She lost her mind. More tears to wipe. More hugs to give. More sweet nothings to utter. 15 more minutes gone in a flash.

Ohmygosh, I was so late.

I really had to go. When I left her room, she was still a hot mess. But I had to get the tire fixed!

When I finally got in my car, the tire read 12 PSI. It was dangerously low. I had to stop twice to fill the tire with air, just to make it to the service center.

I’ll stop there, but the day went on and on. There were tiny little landmines everywhere! And, honestly, I don’t think it got back on track until at least three days later!

But I still showed up for myself … every day. I still took care of myself every day. #selfcareeveryday isn’t just a hashtag. It’s the way I live my life. And it’s the way you get to live yours.

The first step is knowing that taking care of yourself is your personal responsibility. This is it! No tricks or hacks or shortcuts. And if you missed my post on this, you can read more about taking your power back here. 

Once you accept responsibility for your self-care, you’ll benefit from having some tools in your toolbox to continue to create space and then protect that space for yourself everyday. So, here are just a few of those tools:

• Know that no is the new yes.

When you say no to something, you get to say yes to yourself.

Think of the obligatory yeses you give.

Do you want to come to my Pampered Chef party?

You say: Yes? 

You’re thinking: Of course not!

Do you want to come with my 5 children and me to the trampoline park?

You say: Yes? 

But you’re thinking: As much as I want to poke myself in the ribs repeatedly with a spoon.

When there’s a question at the end of your yes, think about how you would’ve felt if you had said no.

Do you say yes to please someone else? When you do, you’re sacrificing yourself. You’re saying no to yourself. You’re saying no to your own joy.

Think beyond the awkwardness of the “no.” there’s freedom beyond that second or so of pain. Don’t lament over it. There’s freedom in the “no.”

You get to be honest. A nice straightforward no is better than a half-assed yes. Have integrity. Be true. Avoid resentment. (because it’s up to you. Did you read this post yet?) 

Yes, you’ll keep doing some things you don’t want to do. You’ll have to take out the garbage. Someone has to wash the dishes. We have to do things I don’t want to do every day. We’re adults! But if there’s something that you don’t want to do that you don’t NEED to do - meaning it won’t benefit you in the long term - think about how you’ll feel if you didn’t do. 

It feels darn good.

So, decline the invitation. Turn it down. Politely resign. As my friend said, Marie Kondo your list of obligations! Marie Kondo your life.

• Speak Up.

I get it. You don’t get to carry out your self-care routine in a vacuum. Your real life involves caring for others and you have to consider them as you create new habits.

But the people in your life aren’t mind readers.

During a recent conversation with a woman in my community, she ascribed her challenges with sticking to a self-care practice to her husband. More specifically, she cited his disapproval of investing in products or programs that she felt would help her health journey. For example, according to her, he didn’t see the value in coaching.

So, I asked her a very obvious question: has he expressed that he thinks coaching is a bad investment?

She said, “No.”

Then, I asked her, has he expressed any negative thoughts at all about coaching?

To that, she also answered, “No.”

Next, I asked, feeling as if I already knew the answer, have you asked him how he feels about your getting a coach?

And she admitted that she hadn’t. 

Finally, I asked, do you notice that you believe your husband doesn’t want this for you yet he’s never actually expressed that?

And she whispered, “Yes.”

I think that was a breakthrough for her. 

I see this happen so much. A woman who feels as if she’s at odds with her partner. Her mother. Her boss. Her cat. Even her children.

But she’s never even expressed her desires to her. To him. To it. To them.

While I'm sure you know your loved ones, you’re not a mind reader. And neither is she. Or he. Or it. You may suspect that you won’t be supported, but you need to be clear. You need to communicate.

Avoiding what may be a difficult conversation isn’t helping you. This avoidance may be saving you from discomfort in the short term, but, surely, it isn’t saving you discomfort for the long term. You have to go through the discomfort. Your transformation is on the other side of it. 

• If you want to go for a walk before dinner, say so.
• If your mind is begging you to take a nap, call it out.
• If you need support to get off the diet roller coaster, let it be known!

By saying nothing, you’re ensuring that you won’t get what you want. Do you see that?

Speak up because you might be incorrect. Maybe no one will challenge your desire for self-care. More than that, speak up because you might be correct. And if there’s a living, breathing obstacle to your taking care of yourself, it won’t move until you say, “move!”

You’re not alone in this. I routinely offer to speak with a prospective client’s partner. I know this conversation can feel difficult and I can facilitate it. My coaching often starts long before Day 1 of a program. You and your loved one may need coaching to realize just how much you need coaching. Or another solution - whatever it is. 

Speak up instead of staying stuck right where you are. Stop contemplating. Do something.

Don’t deny yourself this opportunity for growth and self-improvement. Open your mouth to open the conversation and clear the way for your transformation.

• Hold on Loosely.

This is where many would suggest that you schedule your self-care.

But I disagree. While I appreciate the sentiment of picking a hard and fast time on the calendar for your self-care every day, I find it really impractical - especially right now. 

Life. Happens. You can count on it. Expect it. Even anticipate it.

So, instead of scheduling your daily self-care, why not simply make space for it? Start by setting the intention for it. It’s helpful to have a specific time and space in mind - in my case, 8 AM in the game room with my sons. But understand that the time and space might get bumped.

And know if your self-care moves around on your calendar like a hockey puck, it says nothing negative about you. What does it say? That you’re a person. Who interacts with other persons. That you live in the world.

Your self-care is called a practice for a reason. It will require your practice. It will never be perfect. (Let’s be honest - nothing we create is perfect.) But it can be good enough. And practicing your self-care everyday with a goal of making it good enough will keep you moving forward. 

Moving forward will help you heal and grow. So, don’t get derailed by life’s perturbations. Keep going.

When you create space for your self-care, you make a promise to yourself. When you make it so, you stay in integrity with yourself. When you keep moving forward even when it doesn’t look as you’d hoped, you’re staring perfection down and showing it who’s boss.

Hold on loosely. Don’t get stuck on the details. The mechanism, the time and the setting don’t matter so much. Instead, focus on the bigger picture (the daily care of your mind, body, and soul) and allow yourself to bob and weave with your circumstances.

• When you had planned to make a smoothie with almond milk, but then you realize your son drank it all … bob. Maybe you can grab some berries and nuts instead.
• If you’d planned to move your body for 40 minutes, but, after 20 minutes, your kiddos need you to help them resolve an argument, weave. Can you squeeze in 10 more minutes today and 10 more tomorrow?

So, if it’s been your tendency to abandon your me-time if it won’t look just as you wanted, as you planned, as you imagined, ask yourself why? Is that all-or-nothing attitude serving you? Is it elevating you to new levels in your health? 

By holding on loosely, you’re releasing the perfectionism that will send you into a downward spiral. You know - the spiral of disappointment, then resentment, then guilt and shame?

Do you recognize how being so rigid with your self-care is keeping you stuck? Now, release. This is just the beginning for you, my friend.

You’ve known the value of self-care. Now, you know some real-life tactics to actually implement it.

Do you need support more support to implement what you’re learning? You can change your body. You can change your health. You can change your entire life.  

I’d be honored to walk alongside you as  you do. Just click here to apply to work with me here.